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The bartender kept smiling at her with that "so whatcha doing later" smile. His hair was pulled back into a pony tail despite the fact the man had began to lose his hair way too early in life. His shirt hung open showing a golden cross peaking out of the deep growth of chest hair. The cross made her smile. She wondered why men like him wear them. She was willing to bet that he hasn't been to church in over a dozen years yet he still wear the cross proudly. Like no matter what sins he does in life the fact that he wore the cross while doing them was like a free pass to heaven. She hated men like that. Noticing her smiling at him, he did this thing with his eyebrows that was half way between a come hither look and a facial tick. She had to fight her Bloodlust not to jump over the bar and kill him right where he stood. She turned again to face the crowd. The strip club down the street must have just closed because the bar was slowly filling up with women who were too tired to sleep. She. [Name Redacted]. I think he's right. I'vespent so long trying to prove myself, scared of what I think I alwaysknew, deep down. I've been playing a part, trying to be what I think aman is supposed to be, but it's always felt false, I understand that now.I'm ready to start accepting who I really am.DAY 36I bought my first tube of lipstick today. The cosmetics aisle was sobright, and I had to wait until there wasn't anyone around. My heart wasbeating so hard I could hear it. I felt like I was trying to rob a bank.I had to use the self-checkout, and I kept worrying that someone wouldsee me with it. What would I say? But it was so thrilling to own it, likethe first day I shaved my legs. I tried it on when I got home and Ilooked ridiculous but it made me so happy I cried. It's called "StoplightRed."DAY 39Told Dr. [Name Redacted] about my new diagnosis. She said it shouldn'taffect the study, and in fact my participant status meant I could getshortlisted for HRT. They'd just add it to my.
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